The Holiday At Home

When the weather is as good as this, your thoughts tend to work on ideas that will keep you at home and entertained without the hassle of going to parks and venues, you know what I mean, most households have a BBQ of some form, a paddling pool and garden games for the kids...aye okay for us.
We have all become experts in setting up the mini carnival in the garden as away to save hassle and lets be honest the fact that it saves money is not just an added bonus anymore.
The wee one loves all the hustle and bustle of a busy park with other wee ones on the go, however she is just as happy with the home made version and a playmate be it her brother, a wee friend or the ASBO gardener.
The Law enforcer aka the wife likes to potter around the garden, enjoys a BBQ and has been known to participate in a water fight or two, obviously one that has strict rules that everyone must sign up to first!
The athlete aka my son has also been seen participating in and around the garden with the paddling pool always proving too much of a temptation for the wee one that is still inside him that wants to still play with toys and be a wee boy again, that said all men have this chip built in to their brains somewhere as it is the only explanation when it comes to gadgets!
The ASBO gardener has travelled to most parts of the world at sometime or another and is happy to stay close to home, that way he does not have to worry how much bail money is required in different currencies, and not only that his passport photo can stay the secret it is!
Me....well I am the stay at home Grandad after all!!
So with everything against it I found myself looking at the Holiday adverts in the Sunday paper magazines, I found myself wishing I was there, I could imagine the sea, the sand, the exotic foods, the laid back approach to the day, with activities galore around every corner.
I could almost smell the baking and cooking going on at a wee market where everything including someone's granny was for sale at discount prices that would make the man with the van blush, you know the guy that sells everything but no receipts given!!!
Wow and all for a mere couple of pence under two thousand pounds, ah someone brought out the smelling salts, two thousand of them.
Now tell me honestly what do you get out of that two thousand pounds, lets look at it, you get a two week holiday for four in a four star hotel, you get to see a part of the world you have never seen before, you maybe try a new activity such as water skiing , you perhaps eat something you have never tasted before, you get to relax beside a pool with a waiter or waitress bringing you drinks of your choice and the weather is wall to wall sunshine pretty much guaranteed.
As a bonus to the above you also get to pack a bag with more clothes than you need, you get to drive to an airport of your choice as long as it is Manchester, an hour into your journey you remember the passports are on top of the flight tickets which sadly are on your coffee table. The airport has had a security scare so the queues are just long enough to let you out of your car in a car park that costs as much as the car and gives you the final message you will see outside in Britain, no responsibility can be........for that price I would expect my car to be valeted on my return. You have now driven for four hours, queued for four hours and have just been informed you have a four hour delay due to unforeseen problems, and the wee one has stared to play with the barriers asking are we there yet, you yourself now have a blood pressure that is at stroke level....aye happy days and we so need this holiday!
Made it,you arrive in the country of your choice, its raining but not to worry it can not last according to your taxi driver after all it has rained for three days solid and that never happens here!!
The Hotel will save the day or at least it would have if the builders had managed to finish it on time, never mind you are here and you are on holiday!!! Sadly the pool is one of the items not yet finished and the waiters will not walk to the beach which is five miles from your hotel not five metres!!!!
Ah yes the holiday abroad, a necessity of all who aspire to be better off, for all those who long for the good life!
Me I think I will stick to being poor, put on a holiday programme, ooo and ahh at the wonderful scenery, sit outside in the sun with a wee tipple in the knowledge that my car is safe in the driveway, the wee one and the big one can play in the pool and the two thousand pounds will pay for several treats when the weather is bad and the family is bored or more commonly known as the winter months!!!